Crafting the perfectly written Statement of Purpose, in order to be accepted into your graduate program of choice, is an art and fairly difficult if you want to actually be considered for acceptance. You have to try to make yourself sound intelligent, unique, and really convince the graduate admissions officer why you would be an asset to their school. If only we could be completely honest, put a lot less time and effort, add a dash of indifference, and riddle our Statement of Purpose letters with sarcasm and still be able to be accepted to a school. Wouldn’t that be great (or at least worth a good laugh)?
Dear College Admissions Person, sorry I mean Collegiate People,
Let me start over.
To Whom It May Concern,
I really need to be accepted to your school. Sure I’m sort of like every other “Joe Shmoe” but I’ve got a certain pizzazz and honesty. Well, I tried hard, okay sort of, when taking the GRE, but that test is ridiculously irrelevant! So I’d appreciate it if you’d just choose to ignore my test scores and look at all the positive things about me that will help make me a perfect candidate for your school/program.
When applying for your program, it took a lot of heartfelt consideration in order for me to be able to decide if I really liked your school or not. Congratulations on my approval. I am only applying here and maybe one other school so that shows how highly I truly consider you to be (and how desperately I need you to accept me).
I have a true passion for the subject I want to study, and I believe that I will make an okay addition to your school. Hey, why not? I’m sure you have enough money and what’s one more student, right? Also, I sure as hell racked up some huge loans in Undergrad. Studies so, being accepted to your school would help me to procrastinate paying those loans.
Basically, I don’t have a lot of money right now. So, if you could accept me, and offer me a full tuition scholarship, that would be amazing. My true reason for attending graduate school is not just because I want to gain more knowledge, but I would prefer it if I could delay the real world for as long as possible. Job-hunting is really atrociously horrible right now and I would like to avoid it for a few years if possible.
Expect my recommendation letters from my mom and best friend to arrive in the mail following this letter. If I didn’t yet convince, you, they sure will.
Thanks a bunch!
Respectfully,
Your pal
P.S. There’s a lovely gift basket for you if I am accepted.